When You Come Back, I May Be Gone
In all couples there are critical moments in which perhaps a break is needed, a moment to know if the relationship should go ahead or cut its losses … Arguments, time and other problems can influence the making of this decision . Even if you have to go to another country for work reasons. In a relationship, the couple is continually tested, different tests that they must overcome.
But what happens if we decide to leave? The relationship has to go through the abandonment test, the one in which one of the two leaves, while the other is waiting, right?
Goodbye is difficult, but forgetting is more difficult
When one of you decides to leave, for whatever reason, you may regret it sooner or later. Let’s say that sometimes you do need to take time, but this can be positive or negative. What no one can do is say “goodbye” and wait for the other person to be there waiting. Perhaps he will tell us: “I’ll be waiting for you”, but think … it was you who said goodbye and you don’t have to be selfish.
The fear of abandonment is something that some of us have at times. Perhaps it was a trauma from the past, that fear of feeling alone, of losing what you love most. The famous emotional attachment that we must avoid if we want to be happy.
But, if someone who fears abandonment is undoubtedly abandoned, this can end in different ways. To begin with, the person who waits may derive profound disappointment from their grief. This disappointment will cause him to see you with eyes that when the time comes can be charged with anger and criticism.
Resentment is not a good thing, but if you have chosen to leave someone to their fate and when you return you see resentment in their eyes, it is normal! You were not the one who stayed, but the one who left. Put yourself in their shoes. The person who has stayed there, without you, has had to deal with a pain that has meant that they have had to forget you. Something that is very difficult, but that given time is inevitable.
For this reason, returning and wanting to meet the same person you have left may be setting your expectations too high. A reality that only exists in your mind, a very unreal reality.
I have learned to live without you
Many people who have felt abandoned by their partner, who perhaps have asked for time and left, sooner or later learn to live without them. They will overcome all attachment, all suffering for not having the loved one by their side … all of this can be overcome, even if at first the world is upon us.
Therefore, it would be selfish to think about discovering the same person who is left behind, because he has had to deal with a pain that we have caused him. Probably, you will no longer have possibilities, you will find a great wall raised for your sake, for your departure and your unexpected return.
Sometimes when our partner leaves we do not know if they are going to return. Therefore, we have to learn to live as if such a return never occurred. If you ever find yourself in the situation of having to leave your partner, for whatever reason, don’t expect that when you return it will be the same. Perhaps he has even rebuilt his life and then you will begin to suffer the pain.
No one owns anyone and we have no rights over anyone. Power resides in our choices that will shape the future and modify our present. We cannot tie anyone into our life, or even ask them to wait for us. Because if we leave, who knows?
We have left and we trust that person to stay there waiting, but what if that person also trusts your return, but it never happens? Everything you do will have its pros and cons. Everything will bring consequences.
Images courtesy of Cathy Delanssay
