The Secret To Moving Forward Is To Start Over

Moving forward without looking back is not always easy. Not when sadness weighs in excess and we carry with us the pain of so many battles with wounds. Sometimes, it is necessary to stop along the way to heal, compose ourselves and even reinvent ourselves. Only when we have shaped a new and better version of ourselves will we be ready to move on.

Thus, we can equate life to an embroidered fabric of beginnings and endings. They are two sides of the same coin, they are full of opposing emotions that we do not always know how to handle, of fears and sharp concerns that hinder the appearance of new opportunities. Doing it in the best way undoubtedly determines the integrity and quality of everything that may come later.

Experts on the subject, such as Denise Beike, from the University of Arkansas, point out that in our life cycle, more than the impact that various events of greater or lesser gravity that we have experienced may have, is the way in which we have faced them. Therefore, it is important to have a clear and objective vision of certain aspects.

It is very common, for example, that after having gone through a bad time someone tells us that “we have to move on.” However, how do we do it when there are so many weights and emotional anguish within us? We are clear that we must look forward, but it is not always easy to generate that progress, that real advance.

Because pain has deep roots and we cannot tear ourselves away – just like that – to move to another space, to another place, making a clean slate. We must be able to repair and transform. To create a new matter based on who we are, what we have experienced and what we have learned. This process may take time, but after that, we will give ourselves the opportunity to start over in the best way.

Going ahead with excess baggage is not a good option

We can do it. We can look at the horizon, put one foot after the other, and move on as usual. It is even possible to give time full responsibility for emotional healing. Believe that by removing pages from the calendar we will also be ripping away the sorrows and memories. However, there will come a day when we will realize that none of that has worked.

Albert Ellis, a well-known cognitive psychotherapist, reminded us that people often  get carried away by certain beliefs without weighing other alternatives. They are what he called “irrational ideas”, those that place us in unhealthy and even problematic personal states.

Thus, every time we are forced to shape some type of transition or have to face a very difficult moment, it is essential that we reflect on the following dimensions.

Advance emotionally

Moving forward is not the same as moving forward. It is common, for example, that many people go to psychological therapy for help because they insisted in their day to move on after suffering a separation or the loss of a loved one, forgetting one aspect first: grief.

It is necessary to integrate a very basic term into our personal record: advance. What this word implies is the following:

• Moving forward means not getting stuck in the same place.
• Moving forward implies understanding that I must apply a new life strategy.
• Generating a breakthrough requires starting with yourself from the inside (without running away).
• It is telling myself that I have to accept what I feel, understand it, handle it, heal it and allow myself a new opportunity. In this way we “progress” emotionally and psychologically.
• Likewise, one must be aware of one detail : the sadness or pain of a loss does not disappear. No one can erase those kinds of feelings. We must create a space within ourselves and learn to live with it.

Transitions take time

As revealed by a study carried out by the doctor 

We must be able to cry sadness, to channel anger and frustration, to stand still next to disappointment to reel it out and learn from it.

Start over with a stronger version

People do not change, we advance. The human being transforms himself as often as he deems necessary, not out of whim, not for pleasure, but to face adversity and rise as a more resistant, skillful and prepared being.

We are aware that moving forward is the only vital option we have, the opposite option is to remain stranded. However, let’s do it the best way: without running away from ourselves and from that interior that, like a dark and cluttered room, requires our attention, requires order, oxygen and more than one change.

So let us start anew on our personal paths with an updated, strong and hopeful version. As Charlotte Brontë once said, let’s stop evoking the past: the present is safer and the future even brighter.