The Black Sheep Is Not Bad: It Is Just Different

Being the black sheep of the family is not easy. We break the balance of the group and we are the “scapegoat” on which all blame is projected. Now, if you feel identified with this situation, ask yourself the following question: Would you really like to be part of that herd where all the sheep are white? 

People are part of social groups: families, friends, work environments … Thus, in some way, there is almost always an implicit rule: this belonging means having to make the same judgments, have the same values ​​… etc. In fact, coincidence is often taken as an indicator of cohesion.

In psychology these people are often known as “identified patients . ” If these situations are not properly managed, we will be the ones who show the symptoms of that dysfunctional family or that toxic scenario.

Do not let that happen. If you are singled out as the black sheep, learn to take pride in being able to think differently. It is a privilege …

The black sheep effect

Henri Tajfel was a social psychologist famous for coining the term “the black sheep effect.”  An idea with which without a doubt, we can identify ourselves, either at a family level or in any other social context:

• Endogroup favoritism explains that the judgments made towards other groups are, in general, negative because it seeks to protect what is our own, what defines us, what identifies us (my soccer team is the best, my class is the smartest, my family is the happiest …)

• Now, in turn, it is common for there to be a high demand on the members of the group itself. As an example: our father can criticize our neighbors and how others educate their children. However, with us it is severe and demanding because it aspires not to break that internal balance.

The black sheep effect tells us that more criticism and psychological pressure are exerted on the members of the own group than on those around us. Belonging to a social context, in some cases, goes hand in hand with dominance and control.

Belonging to a “herd” does not bring happiness: find your own way

In many cases being the black sheep can be a privilege. Now, to reach this discovery we have to free ourselves from many layers:

• First layer: you do not have the obligation to be the same as your parents, to think like your friends, to act as others expect you to.

• Second layer: feel good about having your own values, for raising your voice over the rest of the group. The world is full of multiple thoughts, opinions, and judgments. There is no universal truth and everyone must be able to make himself.

• Third layer: accept others without hatred or grudges and accept yourself as a different part of them. Visualize that separation as a form of liberation. You accept your family for who they are, and if they act with the same wisdom, they will do the same.