Irascible People: Anger As A Form Of Communication

Irascible people are addicted to constant anger. Banging on the table, slamming doors, screaming and even tantrums … They are those profiles who do not know how to communicate without raising their voices, those who at the least lose their roles and who cannot be opposed. Thus, behind this difficult behavior there is often a weak being that uses anger as a defense mechanism.

We have all lost our cool at times. We know what it feels like when anger grips us and almost without knowing how, we explode in the most inappropriate and least skillful way. Now, the striking thing about these experiences is that they offer us good lessons, we learn by force how important an assertive attitude is to handle those complicated situations where our emotional maturity is put to the test.

On the other hand, there is a crucial aspect that is important to consider. Anger is still that little or no understood emotion to this day. We could say at this very moment that irascible people are those presences that are most worth avoiding in our daily lives to safeguard balance and health.

However, nothing is more relevant than understanding. Let’s make good use of psychology and let us understand that behind that angry child, that bitter relative and that boss without resistance to frustration, there is someone who does not know how to use another type of language. Someone who deals with himself and who does not know what to do or where all that explosive rage and poisoned negativity is coming from.

Irascible people: why do they act this way?

The French have a very good word for these passive-aggressive behaviors, for those people who make anger their form of communication. They use the expression ” sous-understanding”, which would come to mean something like “what is understood underneath or what is underneath.” So what is there under that wolf skin that makes use of such devastating emotional intensity? The answer could not be simpler: there is another wolf, but it is a wounded wolf.

Let’s look at some of those characteristics that could explain this type of dynamics in irascible people.

• There is excessive distress. People who react with anger often store an overwhelming quota of anguish. They are those profiles that, since they were children, were alarmed by anything, who reacted to any stimulus with intense fear and alarm. Thus, and when they mature, that persistent concern about what is beyond their control or the unexpected translates into anger. That emotion is nothing more than an excessive defense mechanism with which to react to everything and everyone.

• Anger as a response to any negative emotion. This personality profile does not know how to recognize if what they feel is sadness, disappointment, fear, concern, surprise or shame. All those emotions will be understood and translated in the same way: with anger.
• Anger is a cumulative problem. When there is an emotion that is not channeled, understood and managed, it accumulates. What’s more, irascible people carry with them a history of frustrations stored for decades. In this way, the most insignificant acts act as triggers for all that torrent of anger contained within.
• Anger and paranoia. This relationship is as problematic as it is remarkable. The irascible people are made of anguish, of convulsive emotions not understood and of a well of anger more than remarkable. All that deep architecture builds in many cases the appearance of paranoid behaviors. Everything is a threat to them, they distrust, they think that others are there to harm them, to ridicule them. They are very exhausting situations.

How to learn to manage anger?

Hot-tempered people don’t have a good quality of life. It is an aspect that cannot and should not be ignored from a clinical point of view. Also, as several studies reveal , this type of personality is more prone to heart problems, strokes, respiratory problems, low defenses. .. Sick anger and anger, in addition, establishes insurmountable distances with the people we love.

Thus, a common fact of this type of profile is that they apply what is known as displaced anger. They may be angry with something or someone, however, they end up projecting all their negative energy on those who least deserve it: children, partner … It is therefore a priority to give resources and strategies to these people so that they understand that anger is not an adequate channel of communication, it is assertiveness that will allow you to survive much better in any scenario.

Let’s now look at some simple strategies to reflect on, and which can help us to handle this emotion much better.

• We must understand what anger is and what its purpose is ⇔  It is, in essence, a response that our brain emits to attack or flee from danger. It is a purely biological and physiological manifestation.
• The second step is to learn to identify your own emotions and understand what motivates them ⇔   What I feel is sadness? What has motivated you? If what I experience is shame, what has caused it?
• Breathing techniques. One way to channel anger and that rage that blocks our body and mind is to learn to relax, to breathe, to focus on those tense muscles and racing heart to calm them. Only then will we allow ourselves to think better and react more appropriately.

• Substitute assertiveness for anger. Another essential end in irascible people is that they learn to relate assertively, they must displace the use of anger as a form of language to make assertive communication their best tool.

To conclude, point out only one last aspect. Sometimes, the irascible person not only makes use of verbal violence, often, physical violence becomes recurrent. Therefore, let us not hesitate to intervene in these cases, taking measures that protect us if we are victims of this profile and action measures if we are the ones who lead to these dynamics.