The Secrets To Maintaining A Liberating Dialogue

In reality, the secrets to starting a liberating dialogue are many because this is a true art : knowing how to communicate, knowing how to say and understand. You must learn to avoid the silences, to pause and intervene at the right time. Furthermore, you must know how to listen and have the ability to understand the other within the framework of their own context.

When we speak of liberating dialogue, we refer to that form of conversation that allows those involved to really express themselves. To express is to get out of the pressure of not being able to communicate. So the liberating dialogue must, mainly, be a space for everyone to communicate authentically.

Certainly, there are many dialogues that may be inconsequential, but many others are of special importance, and in these, you have to know very well what is being said and what is being kept silent. You have to speak the same language and build a genuine connection with the other person  so that true communication is achieved.

Silence is important in a dialogue

In many people there is a strong need to be heard. That is why they talk, and they talk, and they talk non-stop. And this can become uncomfortable for those around you. This need to communicate all the time is sometimes born from a deep egocentricity, but other times it is simply a reflection of anguish or a need for self-affirmation.

Not everyone understands the value of silence, nor does everyone understand that communication is a two-way process in which each party must be able to speak and be able to keep quiet. Hence, supposed dialogues are generated, which in practice are authentic monologues.

It can then be said that the first condition for engaging in a liberating dialogue is having developed the ability to understand and value silence. Not that silence that is absence, but the silence of listening, of attention and of recognition for what the other says.

Assuming a position of judge, as if the other person were in a trial or were the defendant to sentence, will never be a good way. Plainly, it is to open the doors to mistrust, fear, tension and non-communication. Nobody wants to dialogue with someone who judges him or wants to “moralize” him.

In a liberating dialogue, uncomfortable aspects, difficult confessions or perhaps truths that you do not want to hear can come to light. Only then does the dialogue really become liberating. But this is not possible if one of the people involved is in a position to censor or direct the conduct of the other.

It is also advisable to inform yourself very well about the issue or problem in question before issuing an opinion. In fact, the best reasoning usually comes from people who have suffered the same problem and who have some experience with the matter. The help of a professional, in many cases, turns out to be the best option.

Important: let the dialogue flow

Achieving the highest degree of connection with the other person is essential and  listening carefully, without interruptions or deviating from the topic, is very healthy and convenient. However, many times we interrupt the dialogue because we can forget some points made by the other person and before which we have some objection or objection.

In such cases, it is best to write down the most important points and let that person speak without interrupting. Thus, when the person concludes, point by point the argumentation that he presented is taken up again and his own opinion is expressed. Obviously, without making the dialogue something rigid, strict or military-minded.

The environment or setting for the conversation may also be important. If the subject to be discussed is sensitive or requires a maximum of attention, the best thing to do is find a place that prevents interruptions or public exposure of an intimate matter. A suitable place contributes to the fluidity of the dialogue.

Five practical tips for a liberating dialogue

Based on all of the above, it is convenient to apply five basic rules to make a dialogue truly become a liberating space for the parties involved:

• Find the right time and place. There should be no rush and it should be ensured that there will be no interruptions.
• Agree on the topic to be discussed. Oddly enough, many times the dialogue fails because it has not been clearly defined what is being talked about. If you both know, you can make nice calls for each other to come back to the point when addressing other topics.
• Propose a goal. What is the dialogue for? It is best to define it avoiding unrealistic or authoritarian purposes. For example, the goal should never be “for you to change” or “for everything to work.” Rather, the dialogue should be aimed at achieving understanding on specific points.

• Agree on some basic rules. For example, committing not to interrupt the other while they are speaking and putting a time limit on each intervention. Although at first it may seem a bit contrived, it is essential for the conversation to flow.
• Commit to talking about yourself, not the other. It is a very healthy rule: express what you feel and do not refer to what the other feels. That will take you away from the temptation to make trials, in many cases, free.