5 Questions To Find Out If You Are Too Defensive

A permanently defensive attitude could be an annoying obstacle for your personal relationships or for your general development, since at times it could generate distrust.

If you suspect that you regularly display this type of behavior, but are still not completely sure about it, answering these simple questions will probably help you clarify …

What started as a simple talk ended in a great debate?

People who are always on the defensive have a hard time enjoying a talk. His behavior turns any trivial dialogue into a fierce debate.

Defensive people often feel that it is necessary to defend their position and will seek to convince others that their point of view is the most accurate. It is difficult for them to chat or speak without trying to convince the other or respecting other views.

Have you been through situations where a question would have simplified everything?

Another characteristic feature of someone in a defensive attitude is drawing conclusions from the little information they have. This person probably feels that by asking they are vulnerable to others.

A defensive person makes his hypothesis believing that the information he handles is correct without considering that it is the product of his assumptions.

Do you have emotional outbursts on a frequent basis?

The fact that emotions get out of control is another indicator of a defensive attitude. Faced with any stimulus, a person on the defensive will feel that their rights are being trampled on and that it is necessary to defend them. These types of exaggerated reactions also tend to hide low self-esteem.

Do you usually have a pessimistic view of the world?

A peculiarity of this behavior is seeing the world as a place that cannot be trusted, where “evil people” abound and at any moment something bad could happen.

For someone on the defensive, most, if not all, are potential enemies. The others are categorized as the culprits of everything that happens to her. In very few occasions, they assume their responsibility in the various situations.

Do you feel excessive mental tension or stress before going to sleep?

Being always on the defensive means trying to maintain a constant level of attention. As we know that this is not possible, it generates a great mental tension that manifests itself just before sleeping.

Tensions can be evidenced in different ways: an excess of memories accompanied by the thought “it would have been better if …”, frustration, anxiety, the inability to get out of the head what “such person” did, mental exhaustion … Even tensions can manifest physically, mainly in: jaws, cuffs, neck and back.

If you feel that the previous questions described who you are, it is very likely that you are adopting a defensive attitude. Maybe even without realizing it. It is not easy to change this type of behavior, but there are techniques that will help you change this attitude gradually.

The first step is to identify those actions that denote a defensive attitude; then you will have to make an effort to change them, that is, to prevent them from arising mechanically.

Relaxation techniques, both physical and mental, are a good foothold. It will also help you a lot to reinforce your self-esteem.

Don’t let this defensive attitude continue to be an impediment to your personal development and to your relationships. With perseverance and will you will achieve very favorable changes in your life. You can do it!

Image courtesy of Marcio Cabral de Moura