People Who Have No Life Often Question Other People’s

There are people who have a habit of valuing the lives, achievements and decisions of others. This happens despite the fact that no one has asked them for their opinion, so their comments usually harbor not very good intentions.

Even though we know this happens and can detect malicious criticism from good comments, we cannot always prevent them from affecting us in some way. When criticism and contempt are continuous, what “hurts” is our self-esteem.

In this sense, there are times that we can help them to be aware that they are making hundreds of insurmountable mistakes when getting into the lives of others, but other times we have to move away in order to safeguard our own emotional health.

Thus, something that we must be clear about the profiles characterized by criticism and constant judgment is that there are hidden dimensions that must be understood. Whoever makes use of permanent contempt undoubtedly lacks a good self-concept. Their resentment is not only harmful to others, it is also harmful to themselves.

Understanding these internal dynamics and knowing how to handle them by placing appropriate limits is a health and wellness strategy in which we must invest.

What people think of you is their reality, not yours

Probably at some point the opinions and judgments of others have made you question what your reality is. You have been able to think that you lived by covering your eyes and that in reality you were not at all aware of the image that you projected inside and outside of yourself.

As Carl Rogers, the greatest exponent of humanistic psychology, explains to us, nothing is as necessary as knowing who we are. Reaffirming ourselves in our identity, separating it from what others can project or tell us is key to being able to position ourselves in the world and reaffirm ourselves. Remember that others may know our name, but not our history, they have not lived in our skin or worn our shoes.

Think that if you yourself have the feeling of not knowing yourself on some occasion, others cannot have reached a place where even you have not been. Thus, be aware that his words only obey an illusory reality that his mind has created.

Pass your own filters to the judgments of others

Mental filters help us clarify what is important. They have to do in turn with the different ways in which we interpret our reality and the meaning we give to what surrounds us. Furthermore, if we are not able to carry out this adjustment of perception, we will let unhealthy ideas for our own identity and self-esteem pass through these filters.

Furthermore, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Western Ontario, explain that those  who do not apply these mental barriers adequately can begin to get carried away by negative and limiting thoughts. Falling into these mental dynamics where focusing only on what people tell us makes us more vulnerable to depression or anxiety disorders.

“The young disciple of a wise philosopher comes home and says:

-Master, a friend was talking about you with malevolence …

-Waiting! the philosopher interrupts him. Did you make what you are going to tell me go through the three filters?

– The three filters? asked his disciple.

-Yes, the first is the truth. Are you sure that what you want to tell me is absolutely true?

-No. I heard him comment to some neighbors.

-At least you will have put it through the second filter, which is goodness. What you want to tell me, is it good for someone?

-No, not really. On the contrary…

-Ah, well! The last filter is necessity. Is it necessary to let me know what worries you so much?

-To tell the truth, no.

“Then,” said the wise man, smiling, ” if it is not true, neither good nor necessary, let us bury it in oblivion.” “

We are the ones who validate the words and actions of others. Therefore, it is important that we filter the information that is really constructive and separate it from the destructive.

Thus, passing the filters of truth, goodness and need, we will stay with what really deserves joy and not pain. Only when we stop living up to what others expect or think of us can we feel good.

Surround yourself with people who help you, not nullify you

Surround yourself with those people who add you and avoid those who subtract you. Do not allow yourself to be annulled with criticisms, comments or evaluations that are not intended to help you. Get rid of those words that try to nullify your abilities or truncate your dreams and aspirations.

Approach people with a sincere look, as they are the ones who will understand and respect who you are and what you feel. The people you can lean on are those who offer you peace without noise, without distortion and without ulterior motives.

In short, try to ignore the malevolent irony and work to build a place in your world that is far from the emotional blackmail, destruction and toxicity that characterize certain people and environments.