The Jump Between Being Right Or Being Happy

“Two close friends went on an excursion. As night fell they went to sleep under a tree, side by side. One of them dreamed that they had taken a ship and been shipwrecked on an island. Upon awakening, he began to ask his companion if he remembered the journey, the ship, and the island. He couldn’t believe it when his friend explained that he hadn’t had that dream. Impossible, he couldn’t believe it! He got angry with his friend and refused to accept that he had not had the same dream as him … “

Intolerance, ego, pride, misunderstanding and lack of empathy are the natural barriers that keep us from moments of happiness or states of tranquility and inner peace.

How long are we willing to endure an uncomfortable situation? Do we know how to coexist facing others and above all, with ourselves? Do we really control the balance of pros and cons as we want?

The mismanagement of tense situations in which we find ourselves immersed and from which we do not know how to get out or do not want to solve unless it is in our favor, deprives us and takes away from us hours, weeks and even years of enjoying friends, family or couple for the mere fact of “being right.”

Is reason so powerful?

The feeling of victory is a powerful drug we can get hooked on when fueled by pride and ego. But what is the price of sticking with our position?

Is the value of what we gain with reason greater than what we lose? The satisfaction that we find in the respect obtained by being “right” must fit into the equation of tranquility, along with escaping touches of companionship, connection, affection, friendship and support.

The cinema and literature are full of stories where staying firm and stubborn in positions leads to misfortune or unhappiness. However, we learn little from it. We reflect and even give our opinions about what someone close to us should do or give in, but when it comes down to it, leading by example is the pending issue.

Beyond the motives

That which surrounds a bitter position of a person in obtaining a favorable result in an argument is based on three elements:

• Need to shore up your ego
• Need to reaffirm your self-esteem
• The fear of other positions or “losing” power and control

Except in cases of real evidence where there is no possible debate, and the confrontation does not depend on interpretations, the natural thing is that no one is the owner of the absolute truth.

This idea seems mature in our interior and to be present in moments of temperance, but sometimes it falters when we confront others …

What does positional stagnation lead to?

Anger, fear, frustration and anger. When we see that something is not resolved or satisfied according to our canons, a series of mechanisms are set in motion that trigger negative emotions that hinder our reasoning and consume energy within us.

When we get stuck in a position, we lose energy and most of all, time.  Time that we lose to enjoy without ties and without a feeling of commitment or obligation.

Reprimands, manipulation attempts, demands, teasing, emotional dependencies, etc. We must be prepared to detect all this the moment we find ourselves in such a position.

And not only to detect it in others, but in ourselves, who, drawn by the emotions mentioned above, translate it into behaviors of which we would not be proud in normal situations, of tranquility and flexibility.

How to get out of the quagmire?

We can ask ourselves some questions to help us find a flexible path:

• How do I feel about the situation? Finding the right words to describe how we feel, favors the ordering of thought and helps us eliminate the “noise” that can cloud the most reasoned aspects of the situation.
• Does the other person know how I feel? This goes beyond discussions commanded by emotions, and beyond “because you are….” and I am…..”
• Do I know how the other person is feeling? Sometimes we resort to the interpretation of thought. This is nothing more than to take as true, statements of the type: “surely you think that … ..”
• How did the conflict start? What did you want to achieve and what did the other person want to achieve?

The next thing will be to consider alternatives within the conflict to solve it and to know to what extent I can be flexible and give in, or at what point I can stop looking for the reaffirmation of recognition.

That if, all this, from the deepest sincerity. There is no use pretending flexibility. Sooner or later their seams will blow up, and we will fierce another conflict enhanced with the previous one with different forms and different language, but with the same skin. The skin of marking our non-negotiable line of fire and insisting on making an enemy until he surrenders to the one in front of us.

We will weigh the time that we can gain with others and give it the value that corresponds to it. Surely many times it is greater than the one that gives us an “I told you so” or a “I knew it.”