The 5 Pillars Of Love In Highly Sensitive People (PAS)

High sensitivity was first described in 1975 by the American psychologist Elaine Aron. His idea was to delve into the traits of introversion, suddenly discovering something very striking: highly sensitive people.

The introverted personality did not have a classic and common pattern in all people. In fact, to this day and thanks to the research of Jonathan Check, we know that there are 4 very different types from each other.

For her part, Elaine Aron, in her book “The highly sensitive person”, explains that one in five people is highly sensitive, so it is not a trait within their own introversion. Not at all: it’s just another type of personality.

Experience sadness or joy more intensely, to feel the suffering of others, be very intuitive since childhood, enjoy solitude, be very sensitive to pain, light or loud sounds .. . All of them are traits that usually define highly sensitive people, who do not usually know that they are until they are adults. Until life has made them see that they always seemed to go “against the tide” .

Now, within all these dimensions, there is an emotion that highly sensitive people experience in a more complex way. We are talking about love.

How to maintain a relationship with a person who does not feel things with the same intensity as we do? How to manage all that amalgam of emotions without losing your balance? How to deal with disappointment or failure? We give you 5 keys so that you keep them in mind.

1. Love of oneself

Love, self-respect is a pact that must last a lifetime. If there is one thing that is true, it is that highly sensitive people have spent a long time “feeling different”, “feeling almost a weirdo.”

Why do you take things so hard? But why are you so sensitive if nothing has happened?

It is very possible that these phrases are familiar to you. In the end, if over a long time we have always received the same reproaches from our partners and from other people, it is most likely that our self-esteem will weaken.

You may be tired of suffering, of seeing how others go in one direction, and you go against the current. Stop clinging to suffering, free yourself from negative emotions and accept yourself with all your fullness, valuing all your positive faculties.

2. Accept that others cannot experience things at the same intensity.

It is very possible that you have been frustrated because your partners did not realize the same things as you. They weren’t so perceptive, so sensitive to details, to looks …

You know how to read gestures, you attend to every aspect, you care about every word and every movement…  However, your partner seems to be blind to these multiple details. Does this mean that I love you less? Absolutely.

Love is not always experienced in the same way, but this does not mean that they do not love us. They do it, but in their own way and you in yours.

3. Manage negative emotions, don’t let them take you prisoner

When a highly sensitive person is disappointed, when they experience a breakup, betrayal or a lie, their suffering can lead to helplessness and depression. If happiness and love are lived in a really intense way, failure is experienced in the same way. And the interior fall can be very serious.

Do not allow it, accept adversity very early, the existence of failure, the knowledge of sadness … Understand that life has these black holes in which you should never let yourself be dragged.

4. The wisdom of loneliness

If there is one aspect in which you have an advantage, it is in your wisdom of loneliness. You are one of those people who find great pleasure being alone, creating, reading, listening to music … You have a very vast inner knowledge, you know how to listen to you and take care of you. You know how to spin the knowledge of loneliness, because in it, you feel good. You are yourself in all your greatness.

Choose the person with whom you want to build a life, but do not develop an obsessive or dependent attachment. Don’t hold on. Do not lose the pleasure of your moments of solitude.

5. Love by your side will always be worth it

Love is an adventure that is always worth living, and if it is next to highly sensitive people, it can be as incredible as it is beautiful.

You bring that sincerity that is born from the heart, that intuits and pleases, that knows how to refine happiness to the maximum and that does not know lies …  Do not close the doors of your heart because you have experienced a failure. A life experienced from the heart has much to offer the world.

Image Courtesy: Catrin Welz Stein