What Do You Want To Hide? (inflated Self-esteem)

A few days ago, I was waiting at a supermarket checkout and the customer who was right in front of me began to tell the cashier, for almost no reason and without knowing her at all, a lot of things about himself, his successes, his virtues, how perfect it was … “I got my degree with an A, my daughter is doing a doctorate, I am currently a director in a company …”

The poor cashier looked at him and nodded. What was he going to do? But the man went on and on talking about himself in an exaggerated way, as if waiting for some recognition from her or an approval.

It caught my attention a lot and I thought, why would she have this need for recognition from someone she doesn’t even know? I do not doubt that the man had all that in his life and it is wonderful, but why so much need to highlight it and let the whole world know about it?

Although a priori we think that this man has a high and healthy self-esteem because it seems that that is what he wants us to see, the reality is that this is not exactly the case, if not rather, quite the opposite.

People with high and optimal self-esteem feel confident about themselves and that security is born from within and is not dependent on the outside, neither on achievements, nor on success, nor on the physical. It is true that these things influence, but they do not determine self-esteem at all.

Therefore, someone who is continuously seeking praise and appreciation from others, is showing that he himself lacks them, so he probably does not like himself or does not like how his life is, but far from recognizing it and set off to change, he hides it, disguises himself and tells everyone how wonderful he and everything around him is, and in this way, with this false recognition, he feels safe in the short term … possibility of a rejection would be terrible!

The problem is that while it is easy to fool others and make them believe that we are who we really are, it is not so easy to fool oneself.

Inflated self-esteem arises in childhood. The child who has not received approval, admiration or love from his environment in an adequate way will perceive himself as a being without value and will therefore develop a low self-esteem.

Once the child is an adult, he can choose two different paths: either to demand love and approval from others, being submissive to requests, dependent, without knowing how to say no to anything and lacking assertiveness due to fear of rejection. . Or exaggerate their identity and their self-confidence by being vain and narcissistic and in this way protect themselves from the possibility that someone will hurt them or tell them that they have failed or failed at something.

Deep down, they are people who are very afraid of rejection and failure, as well as of not being approved and recognized by everyone. His attitude is like a camouflage.

As these people are not able to recognize their mistakes, they will not be able to recognize that they have a self-esteem problem and that if they want, they can get help. Therefore, helping them becomes a difficult task since the first step to change is to recognize that something is wrong.

The problem then remains over the years since with their disguise, they never expose themselves to a negative opinion from others or to no one pointing out a mistake or not recognizing them and if someone did, their attitude would be so hostile and aggressive that they would cause nobody else to say anything to them and thus they would save their self-esteem momentarily, even if deep down they would die of pain. Needless to say, the social relationships of these people are very toxic since others will tend to distance themselves, which will further reinforce the low self-esteem of these people.

Unfortunately, reality is what it is and whether we like it or not, there will always be someone who rejects us, who does not like us or who does not find us attractive. The sooner we begin to internalize and accept this reality, the sooner we will learn that self-love begins with ourselves and not with the evaluations of others, which we cannot control in any way.

Therefore:

– It begins by recognizing that you are human and that you have the right to fail and be wrong.

– Ask for help when you need it because nobody is 100% competent in every way.

– Recognize that no one is born knowing and that we all need to practice to learn.

– You are not the best, there will always be someone better than you. If you want to be better, work and fight for your goals in a healthy way, without comparing yourself and without disqualifying others.

– You are a unique and unrepeatable and valuable being just for existing and for being who you are, you do not need others to remind you every day. You already know who you are, begin to love yourself more and to be free and less dependent.

– You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You are not the center of the universe, people are busy with their affairs. Cultivate your own interior and love and respect for yourself. If you love yourself, show confidence and humility, others will start to admire and love you too.