The 6 Pillars Of Self-esteem, According To Nathaniel Branden

The 6 pillars of self-esteem are a set of reflections by Nathaniel Branden  that were captured in a book that bears that name. It is about those aspects of life that are necessary to work and cultivate for self-esteem to take hold.

Low self-esteem  has major consequences for life. Sometimes it manifests itself in inappropriate partner choice, disorganization and frustration at work, dreams and goals that are never met, self-destructive lifestyle, poor performance, dependence on the opinion of others, etc. .

Nathaniel Branden provides some clues for where to start . However, knowing the pillars of self-esteem does not generate any change by itself, since it is necessary to also put certain habits into practice. That is, a change is needed at a cognitive level, but also an emotional and behavioral one.

Let’s see what those axes are on which we must work.

1. Live consciously

One of the basic pillars of self-esteem is based on the practice of increasing the degree of awareness about the present. In other words, this means that it is important to be aware of our activities, thoughts, words, feelings and intentions.

In this sense, the most important thing is that you have a real intention  to be honest with yourself. In particular, that you observe yourself carefully without trying to justify or explain what you perceive. Simply contemplate what is in you, as if you were doing it from the outside. Don’t judge yourself, take note to get to know yourself better.

2. Acceptance, one of the pillars of self-esteem

Observation and awareness of what one does often leads to the imposition of very severe punishments on people who lack self-esteem. Therefore, another of the pillars of self-esteem is acceptance. That word gets a bit hazy at times, but Nathaniel Branden links it to three basic actions.

• The first is the willingness to fully experience everything we feel, think, do, dream, etc. In other words, letting ourselves be as we are , without interfering with it, but allowing everything to flow.
• The second action is to side with yourself, that is, not to fight internally.
• The previous actions are related to a third: to be friends with ourselves. A friendship that is manifested when we are  compassionate with everything that arises from us. Avoid questioning or criticizing ourselves: just accept.

3. Responsibility

No person can cultivate their self-esteem if they are not convinced that they are perfectly competent to achieve and live in a positive emotional state. This faith is born and nurtured when we admit that each of us is responsible for what we do, say, think, etc.

Being responsible means accepting the consequences of what is done or not done. I can choose, for example, not to act in the face of a problem, since I have every right to do so. What I cannot do is then try to blame others or life itself for the effects of my passivity.

4. Self-assertion

Self-affirmation is closely related to respect and is another of the pillars of self-esteem. It has to do with respecting our own wants, needs, and values. That is, you should not go over those desires, needs or values ​​to please others, out of fear, or for any similar reason.

Asserting yourself does not mean being belligerent, or imposing. Rather, it means the attempt to fend for oneself and the refusal to falsify who we are by pleasing or not bothering others. It is grown little by little, being assertive.

5. Purpose

To feel appreciation for ourselves, we also have to feel that we live with a purpose. This includes both global purposes (to be a better person, for example), as well as specific goals (earn more money, learn something, etc.).

It is important that we become aware of our purposes and goals, as well as the actions necessary to achieve them. It helps a lot that we evaluate ourselves periodically to see if we are truly on track or not. It also helps to value every achievement we make. Living random subjects destroys self-esteem.

6. Integrity

Integrity has to do with the coherence between our values ​​and our actions. Also between what we say and what we do. As the word itself says, integrity “integrates”, that is, it structures our personality and our behavior, making it more reasonable.

The lack of coherence between different fields of life often leads to a large number of problems. The most serious is that we will give ourselves reasons to criticize ourselves and feel disgusted with who we are.

A person with low self-esteem tends to give up before trying, to lower their arms before taking the first blow. Faced with this framework, we have the possibility of nurturing our self-esteem every day and the pillars of Branden’s self-esteem are a guide that can help us achieve it.