Mindful Parenting: Improving Relationships With Teenage Children

The mindful parenting is a trend that emphasizes the development of mindfulness in the family context and that the task of being parents implies a responsibility that goes beyond even the period of adolescence. Taking over certain responsibilities at this time implies daily wear and tear, especially when not everything is under control.

Listen with the ears of the present without being carried away by past circumstances or by what may happen further in time. It involves a sense of coordination and integration with the five senses to what is happening in the moment.

What is mindful parenting?

The mindful parenting has been being preached from roughly 1997 and emerges through the concepts of mindfulness. This is how this type of philosophy is integrated into the family context for those moments where, just as peace and harmony can reign, chaos can break out at any time.

It is in this family context where the mindful parenting helps contact their own needs and family. In turn, it offers a space of acceptance without judgments for each of the members.

The latter is especially relevant for adolescents, since they have a critical life period of development in which they need acceptance and validation by those closest to them.

It is not about being parents who “educate positively”

The goal of mindful parenting is not to foster a climate of positive education, to encourage positive emotions and belittle negative ones. In fact, it is somewhat counterproductive to the validation and emotional expression of adolescents.

Without going into the details of this above, the objective of mindful parenting is to be there, to favor the periods of listening between each of the members and the expression of needs. That is, that each of the people who make up the family system is recognized, valid and worthy of feeling what they feel at that moment. In this way, mindful parenting helps to strengthen ties between members of the family nucleus, strengthening relationships with each of the members.

Keys to mindful parenting

As discussed in previous lines, the goal of mindful parenting is to stay in the present moment without mentally traveling to past or future events. Simply (and not easy at all), stay in touch with what you are in the current moment, without judgment.

In summary, the keys to mindful parenting can be summarized as follows:

• Awareness of what is happening in the present moment
• Intention to connect with the behavior of other members and understand the circumstances by which it happens
• Judgment-free, compassionate and open attitude to the experience of acceptance.

Skills for practice

Some skills to put mindful parenting into practice could be the following:

• Listen : not just the speech that comes from your own mind, but the speech that comes from the other person that needs validation and understanding by the other party. To put this into practice, exercises can be done with the different sounds of music, smells, colors, etc., showing an attitude of curiosity for each one of them.

• Unconditional acceptance : Getting close to teens’ emotions can be a difficult task. on many occasions it will provoke an emotion that does not have to be pleasant. Here is an opportunity to notice what you are feeling and to assess the consequences of an overreaction.
• Emotional regulation : closely related to the above. It implies not being carried away by the whirlwind of emotions that can arise when we try to dialogue with the adolescent. Thus, the short and long-term consequences are assessed if one acts impulsively.
• Compassion : validating and practicing mindful parenting does not mean that you agree with the opinions, reactions or ways of acting of the adolescent. In this case, compassion has to do with making sense of the way the adolescent reacts depending on what circumstances. Compassion not only involves understanding and empathizing with teens, but also with yourself. Not all circumstances can be controlled and on more than one occasion they tend to blame themselves, generating even more suffering.

In short, mindful parenting helps to connect with all members of the family. However, this does not imply that it is a panacea or a miracle. On certain occasions, the help of a professional may be recommended to improve relationships between members. Also counseling for the reduction of behaviors that can be harmful for both parents and children, if any.