Do You Use Others Without Realizing It?
We criticize those who use other people for their own benefit. Is this selfish? Is good or bad? Don’t we do it? Sometimes yes, but unconsciously.
Manipulating or using someone is frowned upon, since that person who is manipulated is (most of the time) damaged. It is a use and throw away, now you serve me, now I no longer and I disappear. In a value judgment this is not right, but we must think if we have not ever done something similar.
Here are the examples that you may be familiar with.
Within the couple
Many people use their partner, making her believe that they love her when they really do not. When does this happen?
In a recent divorce
Let’s imagine that we are divorced and our partner has already found someone else. Deep down inside, we can feel out of place and even humiliated for not having remade our lives sooner. For this reason, our non-conscious part also wants to find someone, the first one who gives us attention without truly being in love.
Those who do not know how to be alone
There are people who are dependent on others. They don’t know how to live alone. This is the result of an inner fear of being alone in the world, fear of loneliness. Hence, we meet many who do not know how to live without a partner. When they end a relationship, they quickly find someone else to take their place. This is Love? No. This is lying to yourself and to the other.
At work
When we are in a work environment, we can use the people around us in order to achieve our goals. How do we do this?
Create dependency
In a workgroup, we cause it to be unable to do anything without you. Somehow, you make yourself the indispensable of the group. In this way, you can control others. With just this, you are already using them. You cause them to be at your mercy, that without you they are nothing.
The responsibility lies with another
We will never be responsible for an error. We will try to find another person, make him guilty of an error that, in the case of being in a work group, belongs to everyone.
With our friends
It sounds wrong to say that we also use our friends. But that’s the way it is, and we do it more than we think. In fact, in the previous sections it is possible that it does not happen or has never happened, but with friends it is different. We will see why.
Pretend to listen
We are getting along, right? Who, at some point, has not disconnected before the speech that a friend is giving us. Who else or who has done it less. We are tired, it is something repeated or we are not interested.
What is the problem? That we disconnect before the speech of our friend but we want to be heard. We use our partner as a listener to our words, but when he needs to be heard, we disconnect.
Talk without committing
A very common solution, if we are not sure of being able to participate in an event. But, this can also be used to use our friends as it suits us.
For example, using vague words with multiple meanings allows us that in the event of any difficulties that may arise, we can say “you didn’t understand me.”
The pseudo-questions
The pseudopreguntas are questions those who incite to do something, give you a push towards something. For example, the innocent pseudo-questions of “Have you thought about the possibility of …?” or “don’t you think it would be better …?” Although we do not perceive it, we are inciting our friend, we are giving him some “advice” that will mark him, because from this he will make a decision.
So… the answer to the question Do we use people without realizing it? is YES. We do it, sometimes without evil, sometimes with evil, but we do it.
It is not our fault to do it without being aware of it, because it is our human condition that urges us to use other people to achieve our goals, to be benefited in some way.
The consequence? Let the other person suffer, feel used. How many times have we not felt like kleenex? Surely several.
