What Is Behind The Crisis Of The Thirties?
“The rice is running out of you”, “When are you getting married?”, “The children are coming soon …”, “For your age you should stop …” are typical expressions that everyone begins to hear from the age of thirty. It seems that the demands on the part of others regarding what should or should not be at this age increase and with it, doubts, fears and worries, sometimes causing the famous crisis of the thirties.
A home of your own, a stable partner, a steady and exciting job, together with having children and going on getaways is the ideal portrait that society establishes for a person with thirty years. An image created from social precepts that meet and mark a route to follow and that the people around us are responsible for reminding us.
As we can see, we could say that the crisis of the thirties has much more to do with the culture of a society and its system of social pressure than with reaching thirty. By not meeting social expectations, anguish and frustration appear as a result of “should”, despite not necessarily being what the person wants.
I should already have …
What a small and heavy phrase, don’t you think? The “shoulds” are part of the social pressure. They establish what are the steps to follow on the path of life and what are the mandatory stops. If we fulfill them, then we will be considered as a successful and admirable person. If we don’t, they will classify us as rare or lost.
Most of the goals to be met by society are related to achievement and success. The recognition and status depend on it. As we grow, these demands increase and with them our own level of self-criticism and pressure.
As we walk along the path of life, we accumulate achievements, although we also leave other pending ones. There are times when the latter are not given so much attention. However, something happens when we step into thirty that it seems that all that we have left on the to-do list comes to us abruptly. We even think that if we have not achieved what is established by society at our age we have not done anything with our lives.
And this is how we enter the famous crisis of the thirties. A state of confusion, disorientation and uncertainty caused by the clash between social and personal expectations with reality.
How bad can it be to deviate from the path?
Life is a cluster of choices on which there is great social pressure. Along with it are also the ideals of reference that we have been taking from important figures for us such as our parents, siblings or friends. In this way, we aspire to become those who society and the people around us expect, many times without reflecting and analyzing what we really want. But, this does not have to be synonymous with happiness.
If our route has deviated from the standard path, it does not mean that it is a failure. It can be a sign that we have decided to design our own path based on our decisions. Now, this does not imply that we do not achieve certain socially set goals such as having a stable partner, a steady job or buying a car, but rather that the order of priorities has changed for us.
Social parameters and the crisis of the thirties
It is not a question of getting rid of the social parameters, that is impossible. We are social beings and we live in community. However, when we are in the so-called crisis of the thirties it is necessary that we do something to deal with it and get out of it. To do this, we can ask ourselves what weighs on us so much, if it scares us not reaching goals or not meeting expectations or simply reflect on how we want our life project to be. It is about taking care of yourself and listening to yourself to get to know yourself and act accordingly.
At this point it is important to know how to differentiate between what belongs to us and what belongs to others. Both thoughts, expectations, ideals, fears and doubts. Otherwise, we will bear a very heavy load to carry that erodes us over time.
Now, if there is something that we have to be very clear about, it is that feeling happy and enjoying life does not depend on meeting or not meeting social goals, but on assuming control of our life project and understanding that the route is not linear. and that the times are not exact either.
Create your life path
The authority of our life is not in others but in the decisions we make. Social pressure will always be there to remind us of the achievements that we must achieve according to our age. However, our attitude is the key. We can decide whether or not to go the predetermined path or instead, discover an alternative route.
As we have said, happiness is not in what others expect of us but in what truly makes us happy. For this we just have to ask ourselves.
Perhaps the crisis of the thirties reminds us that we have already traveled a long way and even, that it scares us if we look back and discover that we have pending goals. However, these goals do not necessarily have to be met if our scale of priorities has changed. Life is a path built through personal decisions and the most important thing is that these are congruent with ourselves.
