Assertive Communication: Express What You Feel Without Feeling Guilty

Assertive communication is not as easy as we think, as it can be accompanied by feelings of guilt for expressing what we really want to say.

How many times have you kept quiet to avoid feeling guilty? This occurs when we are afraid of that assertiveness that, in reality, implies expressing what we want or think in a clear way, even if it means expressing a disagreement or criticism, even if it is not what others want to hear or what initially goes to create a better environment.

Learning to say what we want

The word “assertiveness” is related to security. A feeling of stepping on firm and that allows you to say what you want at the exact moment you want to express it. Probably, it has happened to you on more than one occasion that you have saved something for yourself that you really wanted to share with others. This is not being assertive, this is insecurity.

It is clear that our words can offend, they can not like and, they can even come to be taken as a true insult. The important thing is to know how to express them without the intention of harming the other, although perhaps we do it without wanting to because the other person does not want to hear what we are saying.

Truths hurt, knowing the opinions of others is sometimes unpleasant, but we must learn to fight this fear of being silent, when in reality we want to express ourselves.

Social acceptance surrounds us in such a way that a person who has always talked a lot suddenly becomes cautious.  In this way, you avoid seeing how your words are rejected and how what you say is not accepted by everyone. Assertive communication is then relegated to the second or third plane, being absent in all interaction.

Is it difficult to be assertive? Is it difficult to achieve effective assertive communication? If you are a self-confident person, with great communication skills, of course it will be much easier for you to communicate assertively. The opposite will happen if you are a manipulable, insecure person and if you suffer from emotional instability.

Characteristics of assertive people

Do you want to know if you are already an assertive person? If your communication is assertive? Take care of all these qualities that must be met in all assertive people:

• They clearly express their wishes and feelings, regardless of whether they are positive or negative.
• They solve problems by relying on their own judgment, not that of others.
• They say “no” shamelessly and without making excuses.
• They don’t lie and they don’t argue.
• They accept criticism and understand the position of their interlocutor.
• They reach agreements, offer alternatives, negotiate …

If you have felt identified with these characteristics, you are an assertive person, if not, today we are going to see what steps we can take to get that assertiveness that resides in us, but that we keep hidden.

• Feel good about yourself: because you have the right to decide, the right to express yourself, the right to have your own thought.

• Be sure of your ability to choose: because you have the right to choose what you want and desire, as well as decide what you want.
• It transmits firmness and conviction: if you do not transmit it, others will seek to manipulate you and you will fall into the clutches of “non-assertiveness”. Be sure of what you want and that is how you will transmit it.
• Respect the opinions of others : because every opinion is respectable and there is no one better than another as long as they are consistent. No one should impose their opinion.

These are some of the things to keep in mind if you want to start communicating assertively. But, keep in mind that you must be aware of whether the moment is right, of the sensitivity of the other and of controlling our emotions so as not to be too aggressive.

Say what we want without feeling guilty

If you achieve this, you will achieve a great achievement: being able to express what you feel without feeling guilty about it. Something that we should all do, without feeling guilty or bad people, without feeling obliged to always say what others would like to hear. Assertive communication frees us from the feeling of guilt.

empathizing Be sensitive to express your desires in the best way without feeling guilty and without hurting the other