Can You Have Secrets In Your Partner?
People, we are made of dreams. But also of mysteries and personal experiences that have shaped who we are now. They may not be seen with the naked eye, but they are there, on the back of our heart and on the substrate of our brain. There where memories and experiential learning are nurtured.
Faced with a new partner, illusion, passion, commitment and dedication flare up once again. We contribute everything we are and all our energies to be happy with that person. But is it necessary that we also open the lock of our secrets? From our past experiences, from all our present thoughts? Some say that any stable relationship requires complete openness and absolute sincerity. But should we also include those mysteries that each of us have behind our personal scenes?
THE NEED OR NOT TO HAVE SECRETS IN THE PARTNER
It is clear that everyone will have their own opinion on this issue. But it is always interesting to know what the experts on emotional psychology and relationships tell us. The studies carried out in this regard seem to coincide in the following aspects that, without a doubt, are still interesting:
-We all know that couple relationships need an emotional base where there is communication, love, empathy and trust, but this does not force us to have to lose our individualism.
-Have privacy, and a personal psychic space is sometimes essential in romantic relationships. An own and personal space that, of course, does not go against the other person, or is based on some kind of deception. It is simply a corner in which to manage our own world in those aspects that we do not want to share in common, and that without a doubt not by hiding them supposes “betraying the other”.
-Sometimes, these personal reservations can provoke discomfort in the other person. We may sometimes find ourselves with a “is that you keep a lot of things to yourself.” Hence, we must know what is necessary to share and what is not. We understand silence in some aspects as “respect for the individuality of our partner.” But if there is something that we are expressly hiding, and that concerns the relationship itself, then problems can arise.
-Everything also depends on how we understand couple relationships. There are those who demand absolute openness, without understanding or respecting “the personal and intimate space of the other.” But there are also people who understand the need for each member to have a “personal corner within the relationship”, respecting certain silences because we know that they are necessary for the other. Sometimes not saying does not necessarily mean lying or betraying ”.
-The mystery, sometimes also has its importance. You may have already thought about it. We all know that in a relationship you have to be honest, respectful and authentic. But this does not necessarily imply that the other person must know everything about me. It is always advisable to leave a little space of mystery for day-to-day discovery. The curious thing about this aspect is that, according to many studies carried out in this regard, women are precisely those who best know how to preserve or manage their mystery. While men, they tend to be less skillful when it comes to “covering up”.
-But then where is the limit between what is counted and what is not? At this point you will surely be wondering. The limit must be known by oneself. Sometimes it can fall within the limits of the ethical: we are not going to cover up, for example, that we have stopped loving the other person for simple comfort or selfishness. The barrier of what is told or what does not enter into the personal world of each one, and of his personality, is clear. But we all need an intimate and personal space where not only to hide, but also to grow, value, learn, manage, build and also destroy . And not for this reason, not for keeping this hidden lock door under lock and key, are we going to betray our partner.
Sometimes this private and hidden room allows us to better carry the relationship. Confidence is fed day by day through small aspects. Perhaps there will come a time when we allow a certain openness, but not because of that, not because we “not allow it” we will love the other person less.
