Criticism Can Harm Or Help, You Decide

Who is not exposed to criticism? Each and every one of us is exposed, it is inevitable, everything is open to criticism. But now, the intention with which it is criticized can be very different depending on several factors.

In general we flee from criticism, it is not usually liked. Our ego rebels against them, and we immediately become defensive. Since we feel like we are being attacked.

However,  criticism can also have its positive aspect, and we must pay attention to the difference, since it can help us a lot to understand when a criticism is being destructive and when it is being productive.

The people who launch these criticisms usually have an intention, better or worse, that sometimes does not match the message. Since many times we try to help and get the opposite effect.

Both to take advantage of criticism if it is constructive, and to reject it if it is destructive, it is necessary to learn to differentiate it. Also for when we are using criticism and we want it to be constructive.

Characteristics of constructive criticism

Constructive criticism is made with the intention of favoring and helping the other person. Telling you what you can improve and how to do it. Providing details and specifying what it refers to. Without an air of superiority and arrogance.

An example, in a situation where our partner has left all their things lying around the room. A constructive criticism would be:

– I would like you to pick up everything you have left in the room without ordering, please. You could put your things in the closet at the far left.

Destructive criticism would be as follows:

– You are a disaster, you always leave your things lying around and you don’t worry about anything.

Therefore, the main characteristics of constructive criticism are the following:

• It indicates what would need to be improved.
• The language used is not violent or aggressive.
• It is using respect.
• If necessary, provide arguments to help understand the situation.
• There is collaboration and a purpose to help.
• A symmetrical position, without believing themselves better than the other person.

Many times, even if the criticism is constructive, many people can take it as unacceptable. So they will stop learning and take advantage of what is offered to them. They may also feel offended, leading to a conflict.

Characteristics of destructive criticism

Under destructive criticism, anger and contained aggressiveness are manifested. Offering poor arguments like: “I don’t like it,” “You don’t do it right,” “You’re stupid.” Nothing interesting or helpful is provided in these messages.

People who use these types of harmful messages tend to feel insecure and vulnerable. They need to show superiority by feeling weak. They stand out for their low self-esteem and insecurity.

The main characteristics of destructive criticism are the following:

• It focuses on the negative aspects of the person.
• Language can be aggressive.
• No arguments are offered to help understand the criticism.
• It is not explained how to improve or rectify possible errors.
• They do not contribute to any positive aspects.
• The purpose is to harm and be above the other person.

When paid attention to, and taken seriously, this type of criticism can greatly affect the person receiving it. Feeling humiliated and not knowing what to do to make up for his supposed mistake.

Learning to accept criticism

Identifying the type of criticism is key, to learn if it is a message that serves us or not, if it is something we can take advantage of or simply, we do not have to give it greater importance.

In the face of destructive criticism, being able to identify them helps us avoid the unnecessary suffering to which they can subject us. Believing ourselves guilty of a negative aspect of ourselves that is inadmissible.

We must be careful in the face of destructive criticism, as it can become more important when you are in a low mood. By accepting these criticisms without further ado, we are only going to contribute to our discomfort.

With regard to constructive criticism, we must also pay attention, since in the face of our own mistrust we confuse them and they can go unnoticed, and be taken as an offense.

Both forms of criticism will come up to us often; By learning to identify them, we will be contributing to our well-being and personal development.