Emotional Intelligence To Heal The Wounds Of Our Relationships

Losses, disappointments, rejections, betrayals, heartbreak … We know that relationships, like bones, also break. However, these fractures do not always heal as quickly as we think; Time alone does not rehabilitate us, everything hurts and almost nothing relieves … Hence, emotional intelligence to heal those wounds is a good resource to gradually close those internal scars.

Franklin D. Roosevelt used to say that when we reach the end of a rope, there is only one option: tie a knot and wait. Ending something that until not long ago kept us tied to something firm and secure always produces anguish.

We feel as if our whole being is plunged into a formless void. However, far from being left to our own devices and neglecting ourselves, we must tie a knot of security and wait. That feeling of fear and helplessness will eventually dissolve.

Life is an unpredictable experience, we know it, a journey where you can avoid peaks and plateaus. Sometimes the journey is painful, so much so that we come to think that we cannot bear so much setback, so many turns and stops along the way. Whether we want it or not, we are obliged to have a basic survival kit with which to be able to overcome all those unforeseen events with greater solvency.

Emotional intelligence provides us, as always, with valuable resources with which to go through such adverse life events much better. Let’s see it next.

Emotional intelligence to heal the wounds of our affective relationships

Emotional intelligence to heal the wounds from our failed relationships, broken or fractured by unexpected losses or other traumatic events, will provide us with two very specific types of tools. The first is to be able to manage that pain in a healthier, more creative and life-giving way. The second, to recover (and improve) our healing capacity to continue enjoying positive relationships and interactions.

The emotional pain generated by many of the aforementioned events often leads us to become trapped in very negative thought and behavior patterns. We not only run the risk of deriving a psychological disorder (depression, anxiety …).

In addition, our interpersonal development is also often affected : we stop trusting others, we enter cycles of marked frustration where it is very difficult for us to re-create strong and healthy bonds with other people.

Thus, something that is often seen with great frequency in clinical practice is that many of the people who come to therapy do so precisely because of problems in their affective relationships. A good part of the patients face the almost constant shadow of abandonment (it is that they always leave me, there is something in me that ends up driving away the people I love the most … ), others suffer from unrequited love and a large part are still stuck in harmful and toxic relationships not knowing what to do.

Let us therefore delve into those strategies that can help us better cope with these situations.

Connect in a healthy way with our emotions

Emotional intelligence to heal wounds tells us that we must learn to connect with our internal universes in a healthier way. A recurring fact that we often experience when we face a breakup, a loss or a complex emotional situation, is to focus exclusively on the pain. In suffering. In disappointment that clouds, hurts and blocks.

• With this approach, what we achieve is to enlarge the hole of bitterness much more.
• We therefore know that these negative emotions are there and that they have a very specific origin. Therefore, once identified and accepted, it is time to channel and transform them to put them in our favor. Never against us. It is time to regulate them, to prevent them from blocking us, we must give them dynamism so that they are the ones that allow us to react.

• If I feel anger, it is time to channel it. If I experience sadness, I will vent it to relieve its weight day by day until it hurts less and allows me to recover. If what I experience is fear (due to a harmful relationship), I should ask for help and support to face this source of anguish and feel safe.

Empathy with oneself and personal safety

Emotional intelligence to heal wounds often places a special emphasis on a very special part of empathy. However, we refer to that ability to connect with ourselves. To see one’s own wounds in a more compassionate, thorough and focused way, above all, to a solution, to a healing.

• After a breakup or any other painful or traumatic event, you have to regain personal security. Thus, the firm, open and conscious determination to repair each injured corner, each fragmented piece through forgiveness and affection for ourselves, is key to moving forward a little more each day.
• If we focus exclusively on our own suffering, we will limit ourselves to walking in circles. The pain in the end will end up little by little separating ourselves from ourselves to take all control, to fill every space, every fiber and nook of our reality. And that, that is something we must avoid . Let’s empathize with ourselves and establish a plan of action.

Emotional healing as a fuel for personal growth

People do well when we focus on feelings and sensations as they appear. It must be something fluid, something that awakens that innate healing intelligence that resides in the body and mind. It is a process similar to digestion, where each experience can serve as fuel for personal growth.

If we allow anger, disappointment, or despair to stagnate, we will become ill. Our mission will be to give way to the  effects of abandonment, unrequited love or the anguish of being in an unhappy relationship. They must be processed in a healthy way to empower us, granting us the possibility to grow in maturity and responsibility.

To conclude, as we can see, emotional intelligence to heal wounds is a necessary resource to better handle difficult situations. It is a way of taming our fears to remember our worth and that imperative need to overcome ourselves, to allow us to move forward with greater poise.

It should be said that it is not a simple process, it is not something that we can achieve in two days or a month. Effectively applying these strategies often implies making a change in consciousness, generating a revulsive change that will undoubtedly reach any area of ​​our life. Because when you understand and put your emotions in your favor, everything changes.