I Am The Same As Always, Although Not The Same As Before
I am the same as always: someone capable of delusion, of savoring life in bites, sips and hugs. I have put aside who I was recently, someone who had forgotten herself to prioritize others, a shadow of broken dreams and bitter disappointments that little by little was able to heal, to find herself again.
In some way, we have all gone through these types of personal journeys where we become aware that we had strayed too far from our emotional north, from our internal equator.
Finally, in an act of amazing courage and admirable personal struggle, we retrace our steps, on those footprints left in the sand of our emotional oceans to regain our self-esteem, our integrity.
Now, in this delicate psychological process to recover our own identity and our own values, we must be clear that we almost never become completely immune.
On that return trip, several things change, so that although we look at ourselves in the mirror proudly for having put aside what was hurting, we will not be the same as before and we may not be the same as always.
We will be an improved version. Although yes, it is a process that undoubtedly takes time, because even if we have moved away from that source of pain, no one makes the leap to happiness or a state of calm and well-being in two days. It takes time, will, self-care, and confidence. We suggest you reflect on it.
I am a person who suffers and I do not dare to change
This data is curious and it is necessary that we think about it. To stop being the person who suffers involves starting a series of steps that not everyone is willing to take. It involves, first, being fully aware of your own discomfort.
Next, the person must feel a real need to bring about a change and, finally, it is necessary to work on a very complicated aspect: the WILL.
All these steps may surprise us at first glance, because who would not want to start this process to put suffering aside and feel better? Well, in reality, although it may surprise us, there are those who do not finish taking that “leap”, that act of faith to recognize that they can, should and deserve to feel better.
In fact, Viktor Frankl explained to us in his book Man’s Search for Meaning that sometimes, there are those who prefer to persist in a state of unhappiness before starting something that causes them much more fear: change.
As an example, Anne Thorndike, a primary care physician at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, showed that not all heart disease patients make the move to a healthier lifestyle in order to ensure their survival.
Furthermore, it is also known that many women resist leaving their partners despite being unhappy for two compelling reasons: out of fear and out of fear of change itself.
To be the same as always, to be better
To return to being the person of always, someone who trusted people, someone who set goals on the horizon and was excited about life, it is necessary that we exercise a muscle that we always tend to neglect. It is a wonderful structure of our emotional and psychological architecture called “will.”
In books like The Willpower Instinct ( Instinct of willpower ) Kelly McGonigal, we explain that after several decades of research on this dimension, it has been concluded that willpower is not something you have or you do not.
In reality, it is like a muscle, it is like a resource that must be used and even “restored” continuously. Because sometimes, as with physical exercise, we are exhausted, ecstatic and at the limit of our strength.
Sometimes, we forget that we still have the strength to say “enough”, that we have the voice, our own resources and the strengths to let go, to close a stage. We cannot forget that the psychological costs of not changing these undesirable aspects of our lives are simply fearful.
Take the step, be you again
Before concluding, it is necessary for us to be clear about another aspect. When we leave a complex stage behind, happiness is not guaranteed. It is not like closing one door and opening another where the second, a warm, enveloping and welcoming breeze embraces us.
The human brain is programmed to resist change. Therefore, we need time and above all, “feed” it with new experiences and thoughts to accommodate it to another focus, to another perception where it can open up again to calm, to well-being.
He reads, walks, travels, changes scenery, favors social contact, starts new hobbies, new projects. Little by little, you will realize that, in effect, you are the same person again, but much stronger. More smart.
Images courtesy of Clare Elsaesser
