Saying Nothing: A Way To Support The Other
Sometimes words are unnecessary. When someone opens his heart and tells us something important to him, it may be preferable not to say anything (beyond a signal so that he knows that we have heard him). Let him enjoy his pauses and let his breath fill the atmosphere that the story has generated. In these cases, your silence can comfort him much more than any empty, simple observation that is far from helpful.
Let’s think. Why can a look, a gesture, a grimace or a caress cover us more than “I support you”, “I am here” or “You can count on me”? The latter are not empty or banal phrases, so in themselves they are loaded with a great affective meaning. Therefore, they are not easily substitutable for non-verbal language. So when is not saying anything the best way to support the other?
Forced words highlight the value of silence
Traditionally, the sound has always been the extraordinary: the cry of a baby, an ambulance siren, a roar, a cry of pain … All these are warning signs that put us on notice. Therefore, it seems reasonable to think that noise alerts our brain and puts us in emergency mode.
On the other hand, the growth of flowers, the psycho-evolutionary development of people and many ways of putting creativity into practice are usually carried out in the most absolute discretion. Therefore, when you have nothing to contribute or cannot say anything to improve the silence, it is preferable to keep quiet.
Trying to fill the calm with neutral and empty comments does not serve to alleviate the discomfort of that silence, quite the opposite. It can even contribute to increasing boredom. Also, it is wise to keep our lips closed when we suspect that our input may be counterproductive.
Thus, when someone throws us an uncomfortable question, staying silent can in itself be a most forceful answer. Especially if this answer is negative. Because many times, silences speak louder than words. In fact, there are silences that say it all.
Listening is already a help
Surely, on some occasion you have felt the need to get home and “let go” all the burden of the day. And all you want is for someone to pay attention to you and just listen to you. Stay alert and understand pain, frustration, or discomfort. You do not seek anything else, simply vent and release your disgust.
In those cases and sometimes, if they scold you the least and confront you, you can end up arguing with the other person. Because you do not need him to give you his opinion or to challenge what happened to you during the day, but you simply seek comfort and support, to feel that you are not alone in the different situations of life. It is in those little moments where attentive silence is appreciated more than any other word.
The fear of not saying anything
In a conversation, the absence of fluid dialogue can make us feel uncomfortable. This tension generates doubts, even asking ourselves what the other is thinking: will he feel good? Will he have a problem? Will he not want to talk to me? There is fear of the absence of noise, because silence leaves us alone before our conscience.
Therefore, so that we do not find it so disturbing, it is good to learn to appreciate it. Knowing that by looking within we can get to know ourselves better. Being quiet or not saying anything does not mean ceasing to exist, think or live. In fact, this well-managed silence facilitates an encounter with one’s own self and a silent conversation.
Before an argument: prudence
A lack of agreement, followed by a prolonged silence, can create a really tense atmosphere. Therefore, if we appreciate and respect the other, and we have enough self-control to do so, it is convenient to keep quiet rather than share our point of view and open a dispute that will not lead us anywhere. Deep down, we all know with what subjects and people it is advisable to adopt this position.
We talk about those issues that are not important and about those people with a special inclination to discuss and take criticism to the personal level. In these cases, a silence can say in a veiled way that we do not agree with what the other has shared without giving way to a discussion. Thus, by not “entering the rag”, we are saved from being slaves of our words.
Although we often consider a friendly relationship based on conversation and constant emotional openness as adequate; It is also good to stop and reflect on the other party. The one in which the time and space of the other are respected. In which everyone is allowed to enjoy their seconds of reflection and calm.
