Should We Give Second Chances?
Throughout life, certain events happen to each of us that can turn our social circle upside down. At times, we may even decide to eliminate all contact with some people who have been important up to that point. Over time, they may reappear trying to reestablish the link; This is when we can ask ourselves if giving second chances is a good decision.
As in almost everything, the answer is not absolute. It depends on the circumstances, the people involved and, above all, the learning that each one has done during the separation time. Here are some keys you can apply if you find yourself in this situation.
People change?
The first thing we usually ask ourselves when we consider whether or not to give a second chance is whether that person has changed. Nobody wants to re-engage in a situation that caused them pain or frustration, to return to the same state from which it took so long to get out.
The answer is yes: people change. But they do it when they decide or circumstances compel them, not necessarily when we need it.
We all grow, evolve and become more aware of the consequences of our behavior. Everyone, at some point, we can choose to change. But this happens at the moment when each one is ready to face his own shadows.
Change is possible, but it is not an easy task and requires some motivation and tolerance for uncertainty. For this reason, change has to come from within, from a personal introspective process. Rarely motivated real change will come only from the outside.
Therefore, you have to be careful when someone breaks into your life again claiming to have changed for you. Especially if this happens after a short period of time. Probably, such a transformation has not taken place and the person is only trying to tell you what you want to hear. Under these premises it is very possible that, if you resume contact, situations and conflicts will reproduce.
Clarify goals and boundaries before giving second chances
Before choosing to give second chances, it is advisable to leave some time to reflect on what we can learn from that relationship. Because I did not work? What has taught me about myself and what I want in my personal ties? What are some things I’m not willing to accept again in my life?
Whether it is a friendship, a couple or a family member, I have to know in what terms I want things to happen. Next, it is essential to have an assertive conversation with that person and make it clear what you hope to receive and what you are willing to give. This offers the other the opportunity to explain their point of view and their intentions, and to accept the conditions or not.
Don’t be afraid to stand firm in your convictions. Don’t be afraid to close the door for good on that person if they try to push yourself beyond your personal limits. Remember that your only responsibility is to yourself. Also, if the other has truly become aware of mistakes and has been transformed, they will understand and share your goals.
Make a decision
You may, after a sincere conversation, come to the conclusion that you do not want to reconnect with that person or that you wish to reconnect with that person in other conditions. Either because you have verified that there has been no change, or because you have simply realized that you no longer have anything to contribute to each other.
In this case, stay true to yourself and your decision. Ending a relationship or friendship that has been the source of many beautiful memories may not be an easy decision. However, it can be necessary. In this case, don’t let the other person manipulate you with guilt or compassion. On the other hand, in this context, it is possible to be firm without hurting anyone, to protect your interests without being unfair or selfish. We talk about being assertive.
