Sometimes Loneliness Is The Price Of Freedom

It is often said that better alone than in bad company and that a dignified solitude is better than trying to keep a NO love by our side. With “NO love”, we refer to those couples who only feed on dissatisfaction and in which negative feelings reign that take over the emotional freedom of their members.

It is common that at some point in our life we ​​fall into these bad relationships. From the earliest childhood we learn that the ideal partner has to be that of “I cannot live without you”, “without you my life would have no meaning”, “if you miss me I will die”, and so on.

If we analyze these phrases, we realize that they unleash an escalation of pressures and demands on the other person and on the relationship itself that can subdue us and diminish our inner self.

Therefore, when we come to face an unhealthy relationship, we have to relearn something that we should be very clear about: the only person we need to live is ourselves. No more, no less, this is pretty simple. There is no love without self-love.

The fear of being alone ties us to bad relationships

In principle, the fear of being alone in life is something adaptive, positive and healthy. However, as in everything, there are certain limits that should not be exceeded. Specifically, to submit to pain and endure all kinds of suffering to avoid separation.

As a consequence of the education received and of the experiences lived, many people feel a great despair at the idea of ​​feeling alone in the world, which pushes them to get involved in dysfunctional relationships.

There is a text by Maria Teresa of Calcutta that talks about this, and it is truly overwhelming.

It is the society that teaches us to abhor loneliness

It is common to see 2 × 1 offers at dinners, on cruises or in cocktails. So it is not surprising that we have the preconceived idea that we must have company to be a complete person and enjoy life.

So few people do not expect others to erase the feeling of loneliness from their emotional mind. We tend to feel unable to take care of ourselves, so the most direct consequence of that thought is the need to find someone to protect us.

We tend to associate the fact of not having a partner with emotional and social isolation. However, not having a partner is not synonymous with seclusion or having no option to have meaningful human contact. Living together as a couple is an option, in the same way as staying alone. Despite this, the idea that usually predominates is the great happiness that one feels being in a couple.

What they do not tell us is that before establishing a love relationship, it is essential to know how to be alone. Why? If we do not know how to be with ourselves, we run the risk of establishing relationships of dependency. Relationships based on attachment and fear of loneliness. Nobody teaches us to stay with us, how long does it take to pick up the mobile when we are alone? Few seconds, right? That is a clear example of the inability and low tolerance that we have to be alone with ourselves.

Overcome the fear of loneliness

There is no magic formula that can help us overcome the fear of being alone. However, the best way to end it is by beginning to be, risking to feel, to know each other and to walk without help. Knowing how to be alone teaches us to establish healthier relationships, without dependency or attachments. Relationships based on love, respect and tolerance.

Thus, as Maurice Maeterlinck said, “the inner silence is the sun that ripens the fruits of the soul . ” In other words, finding companionship in yourself and falling in love with your inner self is a great gift for yourself. After whatever comes, we will be emotionally able to tune in with others if we want to.

There is also the possibility that we do not want to fall in love with anyone and that, therefore, we want to be alone to know each other more or live experiences that we could not otherwise. This decision, which seems so easy to assess, is not so for the common of us, since it seems that in our schemes it is essential to have a partner.

Be that as it may, to fall in love with others, we must first fall in love with our self-concept. This will lead us to achieve inner balance within solitude. Without a doubt, a great travel companion with whom we should all speak in the course of our life journey.