Understanding The Fear Of Love (philophobia)
There are many kinds of phobias, such as emetophobia or fear of vomiting; the fogofobia or fear to eat or to swallow, present mainly in small children; gynephobia or fear of women; or nystaphobia or fear of the dark. But one of the most curious and least known phobias is philophobia, the fear of love. Everyone recognizes in the act of falling in love a way of living an exciting experience that fills you with life and optimism, but for those who suffer from this disorder it is not like that.
Philophobia is an anxiety disorder (from the Greek phylum = love, phobia = fear). And, although the exact causes are unknown, it seems that it may be related to past love relationships that have left a deeply painful mark on the individual, such as a traumatic divorce or separation.
It may also be due to the fact that he is used to living single and the new situation scares him, or that the person has suffered emotional deficiencies during childhood and, as he may say, “the situation is beyond them.”
What is a phobia according to the DSM-V?
The DSM-V is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, so it is important to know what exactly a phobia is. According to this manual, a phobia can be observed when the following requirements are met:
- Presence of intense fear or anxiety about a specific object or situation.
- The phobic object or situation is actively avoided or resisted with immediate fear or anxiety.
- The phobic object or situation is actively avoided or resisted with intense fear or anxiety.
- The fear or anxiety is disproportionate to the real danger that the specific object or situation represents and to the sociocultural context.
- The fear or anxiety or avoidance is persistent and lasts for six months or more.
- Fear or anxiety or avoidance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, and other important areas.
- This alteration is not better explained by the symptoms of another mental disorder.
If we feel identified with these points, it is possible that we have a certain aversion to love. But for that reason the alarms should not go off. The ideal is to observe ourselves and see to what extent we avoid falling in love with another person. If this leads us to avoid contact and causes us discomfort, it is best to go to a professional to help us.
How does someone who is afraid of love act?
The person who is afraid of love, when he feels that he can go back to living a similar or similar situation , becomes blocked, he feels an irrepressible fear that prevents him from starting the new relationship. If she feels like she is falling in love, panic floods her and she rejects the situation. Thus, many times it confuses the couple with whom the love affair was beginning, who in the face of the flight feels rejected, hurt and, depending on their self-esteem, may even feel little wanted or loved by anyone.
The problem is that those who suffer from philophobia cannot avoid these overwhelming feelings when they are in front of the person they are attracted to. Dizziness, vomiting, nausea, tremors, panic attacks and the urge to flee are some of the most common manifestations, depending of course on the person.
Faced with these demonstrations, he wants nothing more than to end the situation as soon as possible. And it is that a philosophobic suffers a lot and refuses to live one of the most gratifying experiences for human beings: falling in love and living love.
The person who is afraid of love tends to look for all kinds of flaws in the person they are attracted to. They are inclined to seek impossible loves or choose people who they already know in advance will abandon them. And all to justify themselves and to others that if they are not with anyone it is because they cannot find the right person.
Is philophobia treatable?
Specialists recommend that the first thing is to recognize that you are afraid of love and face the situation without running away. You have to live the present without thinking about the future, learning that taking risks is part of life; that each love relationship is unique and unrepeatable and that we may be missing unique experiences.
It is necessary to assume that normally the consequences are usually less than we imagined. Or that in life there are stages and now love has knocked on our door and we must say “yes”, being aware that love may or may not last for a lifetime, but “that they take away the dance” because that person deserved the sorrow.
They are not the only keys to face philophobia. It is also important to inform our relatives or our partner of our problem without shame or fear and go to a psychologist in the case of not being able to solve the situation ourselves.
Life is only learned and enjoyed living it and if we stay in the anteroom we will never have any experience, good or bad. If we can overcome our phobia of love, we will feel much better about ourselves, our self-esteem will grow and we will probably be happier. Overcoming obstacles and barriers make us stronger and more courageous.
